So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I could fuck to npr.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
