Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Randomize
