saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
