So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Randomize
