you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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