your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
