The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Randomize
