this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
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my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
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I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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