Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
