no. you can't hotbox the world.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
