You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
