So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
