shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
