I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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