I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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