puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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