Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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