my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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