Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
