fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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