I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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