was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I have aggressive nipples.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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