There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
