She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
