Nicole vs. Life
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
