remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
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Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
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That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
i've created a new STD.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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