So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Randomize
