I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
