It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
