Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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