I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
