if i can run in heels then i can drive
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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