dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
