I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
