A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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