I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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