I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Randomize
