In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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