he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I need moral support for this bender
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
