you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
