Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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