At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
farters have to be the big spoon...
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I'm both gender and math confused
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
