he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
