He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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