the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Randomize
