Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
