im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
i think im in europe. pls send help
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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