I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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