I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
