battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
