We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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