Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
