He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
