So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
