Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
