What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Randomize
