need another drink. this is the easiest way
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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