You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
