I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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