Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
