u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
