i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I hate all girls vehemently.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
