I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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