apparently the secret to your success is patron
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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