It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
