yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
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listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
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Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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