He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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