dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.