You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Locals Wish Tourists Would Stop Doing These 27 Things
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.