Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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