oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
All the doctor said was why
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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